The T Word

My desire to have an impact on the mental health space began when I returned from rehab in South Africa in 2017. During that time I was met with total apathy which contributed to a growing sense of shame and self-hatred. Instead of being listened to, understood and cared for I was labelled. Labelled with autism, drug and sex addiction, personality disorders among many other unhelpful labels. The reality was that I was living with years of built-up trauma and silence. All I needed was to be heard and cared for. Although this was predominantly a traumatising experience, it kickstarted a real thirst to give people in need a safe space to learn, grow and heal.

Zinc for me is where the stars aligned. For those who don’t know Zinc, they are a VC (venture capital fund) that build and scale innovative ways to tackle the developed world’s toughest social issues. I kept thinking to myself “how am I going to make any meaningful change if I’m working full time”. Then, thanks to a candidate I interviewed, I came across a post from Zinc who were looking to recruit pioneers for the first ever Zinc Academy focusing on mental health. It almost felt too good to be true; the ability to keep my job working full time as a headhunter but also be part of an extraordinary cohort of people looking to make substantial change in the mental health space on a societal level. To date, it has been one of (if not) the best decisions I have ever made.

The mental health space is a minefield. Zinc has connected me to some of the leading figures in the space and it has highlighted the level of complexity involved when trying to research the area and find effective solutions on a large scale. Paradoxically, through Zinc, it has also made me realise that one of the most important factors in maintaining good mental health is indeed the simple notion of feeling safe, being part of a community and feeling connected to others. A lot of our coping mechanisms and symptoms (i.e drinking too much, working too much, OCD, panic attacks, anxiety etc.) flare up, a lot of the time, as a result of how safe or connected we feel. The ambiguity and complexity involved when researching the field of mental health are usually linked to the wide variety of symptoms and coping mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. To our credit, human beings are smart and unique, meaning that most of us have created intricate coping mechanisms to avoid unpleasant feelings and attempt to feel safer and in control. But the reality is, as I am sure a lot of us will admit, that these coping mechanisms tend to do more harm than good.

Now more than ever I think that we should be approaching people struggling with their mental health with a caring and holistic approach, rather than merely categorising people and making assumptions based on common findings. It is time that we challenge the current mental health system and find new ways to support those in need of help soothing their emotional scars. Everyone has their unique past along with their unique reactions and unique coping mechanisms and should therefore be treated with love, individuality and patience.

My focus during the Zinc Academy will be specifically on trauma. By the age of 14 I had been sexually abused by two people I was close to, as well as exposed to the breakdown of three marriages. I kept the abuse secret for roughly ten years and let my trauma dictate me. Before I sought help most days were a living nightmare. I had insomnia which kept me up most nights until 3 or 4 am because I was filled with silenced anxiety and dread. I developed a form of OCD which involved intrusive thoughts (sort of like internal, visual Tourette’s) where I would picture horrific scenarios and subsequently believed I was a bad person. I was volatile, I could not trust anyone, I also felt as if something bad was going to happen at all times. I burned a lot of bridges with people I was close to because I was permanently trying to survive and had no space to care for others and saw most people as a potential threat to my safety. It makes me sad to think I lived like that for so long, in complete fear and pain. As soon as I had completed my degree in 2017 I finally reached out to my family and asked for help. I went to South Africa for two months and came back in a worse state. However, as soon as I returned, I started therapy which has saved my life. The simple act of saying I was abused lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and opening up about my experiences changed me for the better.

A problem I think many of us regularly face is the inability to effectively cope with trauma due to lack of understanding and lack of available tools. A lot of us also do not understand what trauma truly means and people tend to associate it with extreme events such as being involved in a terrorist attack or being kidnaped. In reality, trauma simply means being involved in an event which disturbed you leaving you unable to react and digest the event properly. An example of this is being bullied (at school, by a family member, colleague etc.): if you were publicly humiliated either once or repeatedly this has most likely shaped the way you view yourself and how you view the world. Another example is divorce. The phenomena has been strangely normalised over the last few years. The supposed mundanity of it leaves a lot of children feeling unjustified in their sadness. However, seeing the two people you love most arguing and subsequently separating is in fact deeply confusing and traumatising for a child which can lead to issues later in life. If parents were better educated, for example, with more tools to navigate such big and distressing events, I think people would have a lot more control over their lives and emotions going forward which would lead to a more fulfilling life. There are countless examples of trauma, but the message remains; we as a society have not yet learnt how to coexist with trauma or how to transform it into a force of good and empowerment.

A few months ago, I heard an analogy that I think adequately describes trauma. Imagine you are on holiday with friends or family, somewhere tropical. You have a 3-hour boat ride along a glistening lake. The journey has just begun, you all sit back and enjoy. However, 20 minutes in, a humongous crocodile leaps out of the water and tries to snap your arm off. The remaining 2h50 are now a complete nightmare instead of being a relaxing boat trip. All it takes is one quick, shocking experience to change your life and the way you perceive it. Personally, I have always pictured my trauma like a gaping wound. It is usually around my chest because that is where I feel the anxiety the most. It is red and raw and keeps growing every time I use an unhealthy coping mechanism or choose to ignore my body giving me signals. Trauma, if left untreated, grows and mutates. Some of us are all too familiar with some mutations; insomnia, OCD, addictive behaviours (sex, drugs, gambling, eating, work) to name a few. This can then snowball into other deep-rooted issues which decrease any chances in having a steady job, happy relationships and preserving your health, be in mentally or physically.

In the years to come I would like to shine a light on trauma and how it affects some of us one way or another. It should not be perceived as a taboo or something only applicable to people who have had extreme events happen to them. Nor should it be seen as a massive hindrance. I would like to encourage people to take responsibility for their mental health primarily for their own sake but also for the people around them. On that note, a topic I will delve into down the line is “projection”.

Zinc has opened my eyes to a lot but the most important lesson I have learnt so far is the following: being surrounded by caring, compassionate people has motivated me more than I could have ever imagined. The importance of having a purpose and being part of a community has become apparent and will shape the way I move forward in life. My time at Zinc is the crucial foundation in which I can start to build a space with a better understanding of trauma, something that affects a lot living beings, whether they know it or not, with a growing array of personalised tools to help people cope. In my eyes there is a solution for everyone out there. All that matters is approaching the topic with an open mind, care and love.

I would like to say a special thank you to my brother Max, my friends Eliza, Gen, Emily, Lara, Amelia and my Zinc fellows for supporting me and helping me with this piece.